A Christmas Story by Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, PLLC:

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "The House") a general
lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a
mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e.g., socking, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief
that St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (Hereinafter
"Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e, the children, of the aforementioned House were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams. Whereupon the party of the
first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the
joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part
(hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of
sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad various forms of headgear, e.g.,
kerchief and cap).

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the
lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance.
The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to
investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, the party
of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief,
a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn
very rapidly through the air by approximately eight ( reindeer. The
driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was the previously
referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to
the approximately eight ( reindeer and specifically identified the
animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information
and belief, it is further asserted an additional co-conspirator named
"Rudolph" may have been involved.) The party of the first part
witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully
trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the
vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with
packages, toys and other items of unknown origin and nature.
Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via
the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack
containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and
other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a
small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health
regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney,
with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute
"gifts" to said minors pursuant to applicable provisions of the Canada Tax
Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew,
rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the
Vehicle and the Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately
departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the
Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did
hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good
night!" Or words to that effect.